Having read something inspiring this morning, I sit down once again to respond with my own thoughts. I seem to do this frequently, but my life is crammed with my four little kids all vying for my attention, so this probably won’t last too long. I will soon be called away and distracted and my thoughts lost with ‘more important’ – or at least ‘urgent’ things.
It has been an interesting summer for me. God has been speaking about embracing the suffering of others and ultimately of Christ. It’s not a pretty topic. It’s far from an easy topic. And it’s brought much conviction and many tears.
It started back in June. My husband was taking a course in the Gospels and his major assignment was to write a paper on the Passion Narrative in one of the Gospels. He chose Luke and thus began the journey.
As God usually does for us, He enrolled me in the same course, only mine came in the version of a part-time job. I was briefly clicking through the job postings on a website for Moose Jaw, SK. There were many interesting jobs there, for which I would have been happy to do, capable for, and paid well. These would have offered me some independence, a slight relief of budget tensions, and even some dignity or self-respect that comes from earning a paycheck and being part of the ‘legitimate’ working world.
But our Father had other plans. I clicked on an entry marked ’part-time seamstress’. Not because it interested me in the slightest, but because I thought, “Well, I could easily do that – I’ve been sewing my whole life.”
When I read the ad, I was repelled. I wreaked of anger, prejudice, and mistrust. “Must have a clear grasp of the English language and no criminal record. One day per week,$7.55 per hour.” I laughed and moved on.
But all afternoon, that ad would not leave me alone. Finally, the Lord said “Penny, that’s the one.” So clearly that I could not even argue or doubt. “This is crazy” I thought. But maybe this dear lady needed me. (Ha! Ha!) So I called. When she answered the phone, she sounded annoyed that I had called. Her tone made me feel like I had interrupted something very important. None the less we set up an interview for the next day and strangely enough, I got the job.
For the next 6 weeks I went to work on Wednesdays. It started out ok, but seemed to go quickly down hill from there. I worked for an older woman of 58 running her own alterations business. She was finally living her dream.
But she was full of poison. She was full of bitterness, anger, mistrust and fear. She yelled at me, mistreated me, and ultimately fired me, all in six short weeks. She was afraid to let anyone into her world because, as I guess, there was already enough pain.
This whole experience was the living out in our world of what Dan was studying in his. He was discovering that Luke emphasizes the embracing of suffering more than any of the other gospels. Not only Jesus’ embracing his own suffering and humiliation for our sakes, but that those who identified with Him, were those that could embrace Him in his weakest and most despicable moments.
The challenge set before me was to see Jesus in this woman for whom I was working. It was not easy. She was the opposite of love. She wasn’t hate, but she was the absence of love. And before this past spring, I had never heard of or imagined trying to ‘see’ Jesus in the least of these. I know this sounds absurd because I have grown up in the church, but sadly this is true, and this is my journey.
I learned that I did not know the first thing about embracing someone who is suffering or even suffering in and of itself. I knew numerous ways to ‘help’ her, which became speedily obvious, was not what she wanted, and ultimately was probably what got me fired.
It is never pleasant to be fired, regardless of the smallness and insignificantness of the job, or whether or not the reasons were just. But this was a good experience for me. It was a hard lesson, but one I’m glad I’m beginning to learn.
As Dan continued to work on his paper, we were confronted by this idea of embracing suffering more so. The Father has such a sense of humour at times. It just seemed to be the theme of our lives. I started reading the book “Kissing the Leper” by Brad Jersak – a collection of stories about people embracing suffering and seeing Jesus in the faces of the least of these. We watched “Les Miserables” – a remarkable story of a man who overcame harsh injustice to embrace the sufferings of his fellow man and lived an incredibly selfless life.
The theme of suffering seemed to be everywhere that Jesus took us.
So now, here I am. Changed. I now see suffering differently than I used to. And I desperately desire to put into practice what I have learned and still need to learn.
I don’t live in Vancouver, or any large metropolis for that matter. I live in a small town that basically exists because there is a college here. There is no downtown east side. There is barely an east side of town at all. There is no homeless shelter because there are no homeless. It is a quiet little town filled with children, families, students, and the people who work at the college.
I think I have been disillusioned to think that ‘the least of these’ don’t really exist in my world.
Then, I got a surprise….
I discovered I was pregnant….
This would be our 5th child! This was certainly not in my plans, our plans. This was shocking! This was world changing – once again. I was just starting to feel like a real live human being again. I was just starting to feel respectable – like I was going to survive 4 young children and still be able to have a life again. I was within a couple of months of being diaper free! I could say “Hey everybody! Get your shoes on and get in the van…” and for the most part, it would happen. I was starting to arrive, from utter and complete chaos, into the respectable world of saneness.
Not only my own sanity is at stake here, but my reputation as well. We live in a culture that likes things neat and tidy. All under control. Five kids? Isn’t that a little crazy? It’s certainly a few more than the accepted 2.2 kids with 2 vehicles and a good solid career underway.
But, this was not to be for us!
God has other plans. Ones that clearly I don’t know anything about.
This confuses me greatly, because I thought He needed me too much to keep me at home and unavailable to reach His needy world. I have things to do! Places to go! People to bless! His Kingdom to build!... don’t I?
Isn’t the world full of “the least of these” that I need to be out there looking for, seeking out and doing my best to bless? I want to teach my children to think like this. To learn that God’s kingdom (which is made up of people) is more important than all the typical things that distract us as humans. But now I feel thwarted in my plan. Not that I won’t be able to teach my children that, but again I will be so utterly immersed in the needs of one tiny little human being, that I will be distracted from my other children. That while attending to the every need of this new little creature just entering our world, I will miss caring for the needy and helpless.
Irony is such a funny thing.
So here I am.
Preparing to welcome a tiny child into my life – forever.
Preparing to embrace the suffering that is required to bring this little one into our dimension.
Preparing to give up more of my life, for the sake of another.
Isn’t that what this lesson has been all about?
God you are so good.
Penny....i just stumbled across this today !!! who would have thought all these years later..Thankyou for journeying with me through my suffering...you are a gracious and godly and deeply wise friend and i love you...love always jo xoxo
Posted by: joanne swales | January 19, 2016 at 10:04 AM