It takes faith to go on a path to be completely alone with God. Faith, and a fair amount of courage. Faith, because the outcome of a time of solitude is completely in God's hands and courage because we are often afraid to face God on His own terms and to face ourselves in the raw nakedness of our souls. Brennan Manning makes the comment that it is better to stand naked in the truth than to stand clothed in falsehood. In times of solitude and silence {the two go together} we are naked before God and before ourselves. Ever since we lost paradise in the garden of Eden mankind has preferred to stay hidden and clothed. But the voice of our Creator recorded in Genesis chapter 3 continues to echo down through the passages of time calling out to us, "where are you?" Where are we indeed? Usually hiding somewhere.
In solitude we come out of hiding despite our fear. We face up to God and to our own lack of closure on issues we have tried so hard to resolve. In solitude in the embrace of God we face our pain with new hope and trust. Henri Nouwen describes solitude as 'the place of the great struggle and the great encounter, the place of grace and the place of embrace, the furnace in which transformation takes place'.
Early in September this year I gathered up my faith and courage and went to be completely alone with God. I had heard Him whisper to my heart, "come away with me my beloved" and so I set off to stay in a house deep in the woods just outside Princeton B.C. I resolved to take only 2 short books, my Bible, journal, food and clothes. It was important for me to resist the temptation to hide behind a lot of books and C.D's. I was going in order to be alone with God and to face my own nakedness and poverty of spirit, and to be held by Him who knows all the secrets of our hearts. The house I stayed in was comfortable, no phone and no T.V. the only sound to be heard were the sounds of creation that surrounded me and the sounds of my own heart. For a long time Jesus and I shared silence together. It is quite wondrous and unnerving to be embraced by the silence of God. I realized fairly quickly that I can even hide behind words. How often I come to God for answers and promises rather than to simply be with Him. Maybe He too simply wants to be embraced. It was time to come out of hiding.
For the most part, my time of solitude
was undramatic and not characterized by incredible supernatural experiences,
as is often the case. But I did sense a growing realization that the
goal of my life is to be with God and to be absorbed into Him. I also
noticed a steady increase in awareness that I am continually surrounded
by Him and embraced in His goodness. Nouwen also states that in solitude
'our strivings are transformed into a new sense of trust'. This was
certainly my experience. In solitude we are brought face to face with
our own demons. Those things that have hounded us and oppressed us,
sometimes for years. These are not the sort of demons that can be cast
out at a single meeting, but those that we learn to master and overcome
within ourselves in the furnace of Gods embrace.
Anxiety in one form or another has been a particular demon of mine. I have fought and strived against this my entire life. It was in solitude that I gave up! During one particular night of striving it was as if Jesus came to me and led me from my Gethsemane; the place of struggle, sweat and striving with the will of God, to the abandonment of Calvary. "Father, take this from me, yet not my will, but your will be done" was transformed into, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit". From strife to trust (what is anxiety if not the fruit of misplaced trust?): the ultimate act of letting go. A new sense of trust has emerged. Gethsemane's struggle was replaced and transformed into Calvary's submission, from which real resurrection can take place. In solitude we realize with a powerful force that our old, false self needs to die so that a new self may be born.
Ultimately, solitude is a place of salvation.
The early Celts had an expression that I like. They teach that when a woman or man emerges from solitude they emerge with 'rinsed eyes'. There is a washing that takes place. The eyes of our hearts are cleansed again and re-focused. Like the blind man described in Mark's gospel {chapter 8. 22-26}, Jesus takes us by the hand away from the crowds and touches us as many times as we need, that we may see and rejoice.
For more thoughts on solitude you might
like to look at 'The Way Of The Heart' by Henri Nouwen.
Rev. Mike Stewart
Anglican Priest. St. Matthew's Abbotsford.
Thanks Mike. Reading this is like hearing a call to return home to a place I once knew well, but have wandered far afield from.
Posted by: Eric H Janzen | September 22, 2008 at 11:51 PM