When I say . . . by Al Sergel

When I Say

For far too long perfectionism has been the hand over my mouth muzzling the truthful confession that I believe will prove to be another significant demarcation in my following of Jesus, my friend and Lord.

"I am a sinner."

"All have sinned and fallen short..." is not some nonchalant, politically correct excuse I use, but a celebratory song that I sing. A song, like a knife, that has a melody which cuts through the clouded piety my own thoughts, ideas and assumptions.

I fall short.

I sin.

It's easier to live in a vacuum where my throne room - with my idols, with my absolutes - is controllable...manageable.

It's perfect...perfect.

Yet, pinching my heart is another way.  Truly foreign to my ways, is a way of love.

Love of God, though not love of self...yet, not hate of self.  

Love for neighbor when the timing is all wrong.  When the situation is imperfect.

Yes, for when I say "I am a sinner" I am now free to find imperfection as opportunity not as commodity for judgment, but for...

grace...

love...

fidelity...

communion...

Time opens up.  There is more oxygen in the room.

Breathing is easier.

Walking is lighter.

When I say "I am a sinner" I embrace the truth that my strengths are my weaknesses and my weaknesses are gifts.

Oh yes, it is all new.

There is a horizon larger than my periphery can consume.  This is holy.  This is completely other than.  It is not like anything I've experienced before.

When I say "I am a sinner" I step out of my cloud of righteousness and begin to walk on land, as if for the very first time.

Holy Ground.

Breathing easier.

Walking lighter.

Freedom through admission.  Shaking hands with all of who I am.  Welcoming the stranger within and enjoying the struggle that is authenticity and truth.  The journey of becoming whole...not later...now...and later.

Better...

Lasting...

Everlasting...

When I say "I am a sinner".

Comments

[Ross]

I want to thank you Al for pouring your heart out and writing a simple and deeply profound truth that has challenged and comforted me. I am going through an internal battle on a sinful habit that I have had for a long time and I needed to hear these words. Thank you
R