Chapter Six
Identity Storm
I have suggested that the Church is in the
midst of an ongoing identity crisis.
It is a crisis that has arisen out of our disconnection with the culture
and paradigm of the kingdom. We
must face some significant questions as we consider our identity crisis, but I
believe that a biblical faith and a relationship with Jesus offers some
compelling answers to these questions.
I offer what insight I have in the three sections that follow taken from
my journal.
Part
One
What's
the Point? The Eye of the Storm…
I shudder as I begin writing this and nearly
get up from the keyboard and run away. A crisis of identity has recently turned
my inward life upside down, and the blame can be squarely put on the shoulders
of my beloved pastor Brad Jersak and a well meaning prophetic teacher named
Graham Cooke. Now neither of them could have known it, but it was almost like
they had conspired against me, which really means that God was up to something.
The result of this conspiracy has been some serious reflection on some pretty
large questions, which has led to some conclusions. Though I will share them, I
respectfully declare that I am on a journey of discovery and offer these
thoughts in the hopes it will help others on their journey.
First the story that led me to the precipice of
a storm and tailspin. It was a lovely Saturday night as I headed into the room
and took my seat anticipating the night's speaker. I have come to respect and
really enjoy Graham Cooke's teaching. As usual he did not disappoint as he
shared that evening. I will not share the whole teaching he gave that night. What is important to the story is that
I left the meeting with a question on my mind: who does God say I am and what
am I called to? Excellent
questions to be sure, and I was ready to seek some answers from the Lord.
However, I needed to sleep first as it was late by the time I got home.
When I awoke the next morning I still had these
questions on my mind as I drove to church. Little did I know that the sermon that morning would not
only highlight these questions but add to them. Brad shared an excellent
message that morning, which again I will not go into detail about. Suffice to
say that I left church that morning with a third question on my mind: what is
the point? Ah, the grand question!
Life, meaning, and purpose all quail in the face of it. Now I had a problem. Profound questions had piled up on one
another and I was not prepared for the weight they held nor the button they
were pushing. The button my dear
friend Jesus felt it was time to push.
The following week or so was one of angst. I moved from frustration to anger to
head shaking confusion often. I
prayed fervently, seeking an easy answer from the Lord or, barring that, at
least deliverance from the issue. Either would have done. Relief did not come, but some light
did.
What is the point? This question I would have thought would be the most
difficult to answer, but it turned out that Jesus had already answered this one
for me some time ago. Now he would give a clearer picture for it. I remembered
asking him once a few years ago what the point of my life was. His answer came
back very clearly as the Holy Spirit reminded me of it. I could see the entry
in my journal in my mind's eye quite clearly, reflect my glory. As I thought on this very simple answer, the
Holy Spirit showed me two symbolic objects: a mirror and an arrow. My
understanding of the kingdom has grown somewhat since his original answer and I
knew right away what he was saying. The point is to be like a mirror reflecting
God's glory, which means to reflect who he is, what he is really like, and to
relate to others as God would have me, namely to show them his love. The point
is to be an arrow pointing the world to the kingdom of heaven. To point those
around me to Jesus, the Way. As I let this answer sink in, I felt the inner
storm I had been living with subside in part. Jesus had very graciously
responded to what seemed like a massive question with an answer I could really
wrap my mind and heart around.
“I get that and I think I can be those things
and even grow in being them,” I prayed. What is the
point? Let me be a
mirror and an arrow.
My joy was, of course, short lived. I now faced some of the other questions
that had arisen out of the conspiracy. These are the ones that have proved more
difficult to get a handle on and have revealed some deep issues in not only my
own heart, but in some of the teachings that I have heard about destiny and
purpose. I have been forced to re-evaluate what I have considered success to
mean and what my destiny and purpose is in this life that God has gifted to me.
What am I to do? Three brutal words that can
fuel the identity crisis like winds spreading forest fires. I found myself with
a good answer for what is the point? Now I desperately wanted to know the specifics. How can I in a real and
practical way be this mirror and arrow? What action, what job, what ministry
can/should I be doing that will make me one who is reflecting God's glory and
pointing to the kingdom? Out of this dreaded question came some revelation
about my own misunderstanding of destiny and a need to look at another
question: Who am I? Trembling with
fear I plunged forward, and now I will drag you onward with me.
Part Two
Who Am I? Out of the Eye and Into the Winds
Having come to an understanding of what the
point is I felt ready to broach the next question: who am I? I felt armed with a new tactic for I
found myself with an even more pointed question to bring before the Lord: who
do you say I am Lord? Surely, this
would lead me to a better sense of identity! I have thought that a clear sense of my own identity would
be vital into stepping forward in my spiritual life, that discovering who I am
would reveal what my calling and purpose might be. At my core there is an unwavering desire to not only follow
Jesus, but to serve him as well.
How can I serve him if I do not know who I am or what I am to do? Behind this identity storm lurks a
system of thought that is like a tree producing fruit that can never be eaten. It has a name we are all familiar with:
Destiny.
Behind the scenes there is a problematic belief
that we cannot be who we are or accomplish anything until our destiny presents
itself. Until then we are doomed
to sit beneath the tree waiting for it to drop an edible piece of fruit onto our
heads; a piece of fruit that is not forthcoming. The destiny thought system oppresses us in that it has
impressed on us the belief that we are to be something measurably great,
identifiably significant, before we can serve in the kingdom of heaven. An example of this can be taken from
the yearly spectacle of American Idol.
Thousands of hopeful competitors suffering from American Idol Syndrome
come to audition and are summarily dismissed, to their dismay, by the judges. Each is convinced that not only are
they supremely talented, but that it is their destiny to be the next superstar
in America’s
pop music industry. Anything less
is seen as a disaster and utter failure.
The big lie is that fame and fortune are meant for all. This simply is not true.
Herein we find a picture of the spiritual lives
of not only myself but many Christians today, which can be summed up quite
easily: If I have no destiny of greatness I am not worthy to serve. A worse lie is difficult to think of. Destiny needs to be chopped down, its
stump dug out and burned in a blazing fire. An objection will be raised at this point I am sure: Do we
not all have a God given destiny?
A destiny in Christ? Yes,
but the very word ‘destiny’ in our culture has little to do with this reality. We have applied a cultural
understanding of destiny to a spiritual truth that is incompatible with that
truth. We are not all called to be
Billy Graham, so to speak, but this does not mean we are not all called to
something. Our understanding of
what it means to be great and significant in the kingdom of heaven must be
understood in light of what Jesus has said and not defined by the standards of
the world.
In Mark 10:35-45 we find an instructive
conversation between Jesus and two of his disciples, James and John. The brothers approach Jesus with a
lofty request: they want to sit on his right and left when Jesus has ascended
the throne of glory. Jesus does
not grant their request saying that such places of honor will be decided by the
Father. Now of course this
conversation is not kept a secret and the
rest of the disciples
are not very impressed with James and John. Jesus brings them all together and uses the moment of
conflict to teach his friends about the kingdom of heaven in vs. 42-45:
You know that those who are regarded as
rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise
authority over them. Not so with
you. Instead, whoever wants to
become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must
be slave of all. For even the Son
of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a
ransom for many.
Jesus
makes it clear for his disciples that in the kingdom of heaven significance and
greatness look very different than they do in the world. In the kingdom it is service to others
that defines greatness. Our
significance comes from looking to the lives of others and serving their needs,
their hurts, their dreams. Jesus
removes the focus of his disciples from their own self centred thinking and
moves their focus outward to the community around them. You can imagine Jesus pointing people
out and saying, “You want to be great James?
Help that widow carry her groceries. You want to be great John? Go and pray for Eric, he is in the midst of an identity
crisis.” If we are going to follow Jesus and
live according to the culture of his kingdom then we need to learn how to
become those who serve others, and we will begin to discover significance.
In Ephesians 4:11 there is a list of what we
have come to think of as the major gifts in the church: apostles, prophets,
evangelists, pastors, and teachers.
If you do not read the next five verses you will miss some of the most
instructive words regarding these gifts.
Paul does not elevate these gifts and place those who have them on some
kind of higher level than other believers. Rather, Paul clearly places them in the light of service to
the community. These gifts have
been given for a purpose:
…to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the
body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the fullness of Christ, (vs. 12-13).
In verses 14-16 Paul goes on to describe the
growth of the community of believers becoming
strong in their faith
and firm in their spiritual understanding of who God is. He tells us that we will grow up into
Christ who is the Head of the community.
From him the whole body, joined and held
together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as
each part does its work, (vs.
16).
Jesus is given the place of significance while
the rest of the Church is seen as a body working together as one and moving
towards unity and maturity in Christ.
Those who are powerfully gifted need to recall that they are also called
to serve and be the slave of all, for their gift has been given for a purpose,
and that purpose is found in
transforming the lives of the community. The language Paul uses in Ephesians 4 echoes that of the
more well known passage in 1 Corinthians 12:12-30 where Paul goes into more
detail about the Body. Here too
Paul describes the gifts given by the Spirit and while we have ascribed certain
honor to some gifts above others Paul does not. His paradigm is in line with Christ’s.
He sees the gifts as empowerment for the life of the community and thus
one part can not take precedence over another.
The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don’t need you!’ And the
head cannot say to the feet, ‘I don’t need you!’
On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are
indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with
special honor, (vs. 21-23).
Each person that is a part of the community,
regardless of their gifting, is intimately connected to the rest. For the community to function each
person is called to use their gifts in service to the rest. No part is elevated above another, no
hierarchy of honor is evident in the biblical way of thought. It is the life of the community that is
paramount. Perhaps verse 26 is the
most instructive, if not the most striking: If one part suffers, every part
suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
Somewhere above I said that the Big Lie is that
fame and fortune are for all. The
Big Hope for us in the Community of Christ is that all are significant in the
kingdom of heaven and in the Church
Body, for all are
gifted and called to serve. If you
are looking for satisfaction based on the cultural definition of the world then
this will be a very disheartening answer, but if you are growing in your
spiritual journey with Jesus, this is good news. It means that there is a promise that you are gifted, you
are empowered by the Spirit, and you are certainly called to something. I believe, discovering what these are
and walking them out with Jesus will be far better than fame and fortune. We do not have to wait until we attain
a certain level or spiritual height before we can serve in the kingdom for we
are a part of the body called to serve with what we have. What I have today may be small, but it
will grow as I serve. It will grow
as I mature and benefit from the service of those around me in my fellowship,
which draws me forward to grow and become more like Christ.
Some may feel that I have gone on a long round
about journey back to the original question we began with: Who do you say I am
Lord? But rooting out the destiny
problem is key, for it prevents us from hearing the answer. We need to be free from the cultural
misunderstanding that we are all destined to lead international ministries
before we can serve Jesus, and if we don’t have such a destiny then we are disqualified
from serving in the kingdom. When
you read that last statement it should be blatantly clear just how ludicrous
such a paradigm is.
Now, if we are not all called to massive
ministries, we are certainly called to a destiny (right use of the word now) in
Christ, and we should understand that it is interwoven with the life of the
community. Who Am I? is a problematic
question because it can subtly lead us on an ego centered wild goose chase that
leads us on a journey that only ends at ourselves. There we are looking at our own face in a dark mirror asking
“Hey! Tell
me who I am!” When there is no response
we want to punch that mirror even though it is our face staring back. The other problem is that we can’t just throw the
question out. It is a valid
request and cannot be completely dismissed. We have to make an adjustment in how we approach and pose
this question so that we can ask it from a place that is not Self centered, as
odd as that sounds.
Who Am I?
may take a seat for a moment as we ask a better first question to stand
up. Our search for identity is
better begun with an outward focus on the very One who has made us and
understands the secret wiring deep within our spirits that we are not even
aware of; he who holds our very destiny within himself. Setting our sights on Jesus we ask “Who are you Lord?”
I have said that we are all called to be mirrors
reflecting God’s glory in this world and that we are all signs pointing to the kingdom
of heaven. Ultimately, who I am is
tied to this core calling, this destiny.
Yet, how can I reflect his glory or point to his kingdom if I do not
know who he is or what he is like?
The answer we receive, the revelation of who God is becomes the light by
which we begin to see who we are.
As Jesus reveals himself to us we can allow ourselves to ask who we are
in him and this is where we discover our true identities. We also discover that who we are and
our ‘destiny’ are not things
written in stone, but they are ever unfolding and in the hands of a very
creative (and trustworthy) God.
Thus we begin the process of discovering how we
are to be the mirrors he wants us to be, how we can best be the signs pointing
to his kingdom. Our identities
will vastly differ, our gifts unique to us in the way he works through
them. But our destinies all
converge at the same point: Serve God with all your heart, and strength, and with
everything he has given you. Go
out and be the greatest force for Love that the world has ever witnessed
bringing the presence of the kingdom of heaven where ever you may travel.
Part Three
What Am I to do? The Winds that Won’t Abate
“Give me something practical! Something I can put my hands to and get
busy with! Pleassse!!!” This anguished cry is what
lies behind What am I to do? The
heart is eager to serve, but to serve with meaning.
Within each of us there is a tension that
exists driven by the very human tendency to perform.
In doing we believe we
will find meaning. Ingrained
within us is a belief that we must perform well, that we must accomplish tasks
in order to please God and fulfill our calling. This performance orientation causes
tension within us because the spiritual reality is not so simple. The Holy Spirit is adhering to a very
different standard.
How often have I prayed asking the Lord, “What am I to do?” seeking a practical
answer of direction only to hear him respond, “Be still and know that I am God,”.
Shaking my head to clear my mind of what I
consider to be the wrong answer I ask again, “What am I to do?” and he replies once more, “Be still and know that
I am God.”
Frustration buttons pushed to the limit, I
press him, “Okay,
okay! But what am I to do?!”
“Be still.”
God is more concerned with our relationship
with him than seeing us perform a list of tasks masquerading as service. The condition of our heart and our
state of being precedes our actions and serve. Why? Why does
God so incessantly focus on our interior lives over and above what we do with
our lives? He will not allow our
sense of value to come out of anything but his love for us.
This tension can be described in different
ways; Performance vs. Being; Task vs. Relationship; Ego vs. Submission etc…, but they all come
down to the same point. God
desires that our service flow from our connection to him for one very important
reason: love. Service that comes
out of a place of love is the tree that bears amazing fruit. Service that comes out of performance
driven by our ego is the tree that bears little fruit. Such fruit produces a crop of
frustration, anger cynicism, and bitterness. The human spirit cannot find fulfillment in
performance. It can only find
fulfillment in the love of God. We
cannot serve others in an authentic way unless we love them with
authenticity. One need only pay
close attention to the teaching of 1 Corinthians 13 to understand this
reality. Paul clearly warns us
that even if we are able to serve with the most powerful spiritual gifts of the
Spirit it is meaningless if we are not able to love when serving with
them. John tells us that if we do
not love our brother yet claim
to follow Jesus we are
liars and do not love God (1 John 4:19-21). We quickly see that why God is so concerned with our
interior lives, our inner beings, before he is willing to answer our question,
what am I to do? His first and
foremost answer is, “You need to love me and love others.”
All Christians eventually come to a crossroads
where a choice must be made between a performance faith and a spiritual
faith. By performance faith I mean
the system that says, “Do A and B and you will earn C…maybe.”
Performance faith tends to drag us on a high energy journey always
focused on what is next, what is the next task to accomplish? It pushes us to be looking to the
future for the next job and causes us to miss what is present. A spiritual faith is one that
understands following Jesus is a relational journey. As we follow him we give ear to what the Spirit is saying
and doing. He draws us into the
present moment focusing our attention on his will for the here and now. Jesus modeled this for us in his
earthly ministry as he said and did only what he heard and saw the Father
doing. His focus was not on the
task but on his Father. So it
should be with us.
Out of our relationship with him our service
becomes clear and we are able to see what he is doing in the midst of those we
are with. The difference is that
out of love for God we serve those he is serving. For he called us to follow himself as disciples and friends
who labour in the kingdom because of our relationship with him.
The spiritual faith allows us to overcome our
perceptions of significance. Too
often we are searching for status in what we do. We believe that only those acts which seem “big” are worthwhile when
in reality it is those that seem “small” that are most important. When we serve out of our relationship
with Jesus we come to recognize that his promptings to a kind word or a simple
prayer for another are the small acts of service that he is doing. It this is what he is doing it is of
the utmost significance. In
reality there is not distinction between what we perceive to be “big” or “small” acts of service.
The spiritual faith focused on the relational
journey allows us to move towards that place in the
Spirit where our ego
can submit to the lordship of Christ, setting aside its agenda, and we echo
Paul’s
famous words, “I must decrease in order that he may increase.”
We are then a community of believers who share
in a common purpose: to be mirrors reflecting God’s glory and signs pointing to the kingdom of
heaven. We are a community of
believers seeking to know God and define ourselves according to who he is and
who he says we are. We are a
community of believers sharing in a spiritual faith following Jesus on a
journey marked by our relationship with him, giving ear to the voice of his
Spirit, which prepares us for acts of service.
Satisfying answers to three of the most soul
wrenching questions we face as human beings? Perhaps, perhaps not.
Yet, in the end I believe within these answers there is hope for those
of us who have come face to face with the identity storm stripping away the
inauthentic answers that can no longer sustain us. It may suffice to say after all that has been said above
that is a life lived with Jesus, for Jesus, and focused on Jesus, that finally
answers these questions. If he is
enthroned at the center of our lives the details that so preoccupy us will be
answered. He cam to free us from
the agony of lives lived in darkness with no apparent meaning or purpose, and
whom the Son sets free is free indeed.
A Story From the Storm
There is a prophetic element to take note of as
Jesus speaks to who we are in him.
It is this prophetic component that can seem incongruous when we hear
him declare our identity to us.
The reason behind this is that God will often speak about us according
to who he is calling us to be. He
calls us forward to the future where we are transformed and have become that
which he is in the process of making us to be. This is important to understand because if opens up the
opportunity for us to partner in the process with insight and clarity. An example is probably needed and I
will draw from my own experience to provide one.
A little over ten years ago now I was sitting
on a couch reading. I recall that
I was tired and not feeling particularly spiritual at the time. Then I heard a voice speak, the sound
of it was like someone
right beside me
speaking directly into my ear.
“Feed my sheep,” the voice said.
I nearly jumped out of my skin for there was no
one in the room with me. Stunned,
I sat motionless breathing hard as I realized that I had just heard Jesus speak
to me audibly.
This not an experience I have shared openly
with very many people, but it is one of my most treasured encounters with
Jesus. This single statement from
him became a driving force in my life.
I had received a call and I honestly had no idea how to answer it. I did not know the first thing about
how to feed the sheep! I was a
young man with much to learn and with much to be transformed in a very messy
interior life.
Over the years I have returned to that moment
again and again. Sometimes to find
focus, other times to ask how (with no lack of frustration!), and other times
to humbly explain to the Lord that I was not able to answer this call. His response has ever been the same, “Feed my sheep.”
During the past decade I have studied, I have
trained, I have taken steps the best I knew how to become someone who could
answer this daunting call. It has
taken this long, I feel, to come to a place where I am beginning to walk in the
calling, though there is still much more for me to learn and become. Many of my life decisions have been
made with this calling in mind as I have attempted to join with the Spirit’s work to bring me to
a point where I can feed his sheep.
When he spoke it was not a command to go out
the next day and feed the sheep.
It was a prophetic moment calling me to growth, to transformation, to
becoming one who could. In
following Jesus he has been faithful to guide my path along this prophetic
journey and he has been faithful despite my mistakes and learning curve.
Who we are is an unfolding journey on which we
are always growing and being transformed.
God is committed to completing his work in us and ultimately this
journey culminates in the likeness of Christ being made manifest in who we
are. It is a lifelong journey with
many markers of completion
that quickly give way
to new beginnings. The development
of our identity is not something that we attain in fullness at some point then
live the rest of our lives as.
Rather, it is something vibrant and fluid as we mature in our faith and
become more like Jesus. We ought
not to look for a point at which we can opt out. Instead we should look to continue the journey through to
the end, paying attention to the prophetic answers God gives us to show us the
way forward. Once we understand
this prophetic element drawing us onward we share in the joy of growing into
the people God has made, and is making us, to be.
Seasons change and who we are may change with
them as God shifts us from one role to another according to his plans. This can be difficult (I know!) because
we enjoy being comfortable, we enjoy being good at what we do. A shift and a change can cause us
anguish, anxiety, even anger. But
when we hear and understand the prophetic call he gives at these times it is a
provision that is meant to answer these conflicting emotions. He shows us ahead of time the purpose
and the reason for the change. He
shows us that he is in control of the shift through a prophetic invitation to
walk forward with him on the journey through what may look like a terrible
storm. Let us be those who are
willing to say, “Okay, I trust you. I will
follow.”
o Arrow
o Mirror
am amazed at the number of thoughts we have shared, but perhaps i should not be...
keeping in mind our loved Creator...
thank you Eric
trust and follow, trust and follow.
Posted by: jan | April 12, 2010 at 03:13 PM