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December 24, 2015


Aquilino Gonzalez-Canovas

Today, as yesterday and tomorrow

The night sleep was broken for my need of You
Is greater than for rest
As I contemplate the beauty of your ways
And my heart drums away a synchopathic rythm
As You reach out for me and I reach out for You
Such deep yearning, longing,
As my mind no longer understands
What’s going on
And my heart of hearts dispossesses itself of I
Shocked by the measure of your love
For me for all
To be still
To wait for You
There is neither day nor night
Only You

Today is the 50th anniversary
Of Yours and mine
As he also enters into this
Between You and I
I love him also for we would have walked
Together through this narrowest path
Of love for You and them
The broken, shamed, abandoned
Who deep within also
Hearts drum a synchopathic rythm
A cry for and of love
In which the soul fails to grasp what’s going on
And simply collapses in your presence
And dies away in your absence
Please, please
It’s all we’ve got

My kindred friend never met yet known
It is I and you
One mind and heart

Back in 1967
Had I met you
And then lost you
I would have died of sorrow
For you and I are not sides of a singularity
But a one-sided expression
Feeling, thinking, being

Could I have gone into your Dark Night?
I am in likewise
I would have
For you, I would have
And leave you to drum your synchopathic heart and soul
Which senses both Your light, Oh God
And our stupid darkness

Is it wrong to be a child?
For babies cry in anguish
And likewise long to experience love
Self-emptying love in best of cases

Where are you, Thomas?
If lost in a desert I will find you
Take you up between my arms and heart
To bring you home
That I wish for me
But knowing you
Just as Simone Weil
You prefer deserts and fringes
Where the human heart cries out
For self-emptied love expressions

Desert Father
Desert Brother, Friend, and Comfort
Let me set my tent on the horizon of your Tent

Reflection: had my father not hated my decision to follow You, and had I been stronger of heart, soul, and limbs, I would have crawled to Gethsemani. Much time has passed. The desert is my inner home, in which night is day and day is night and my heart of hearts drums in longing...

Aquilino Gonzalez-Canovas

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