Poppies Bloom at the Judgement Seat
Have you ever had a moment that felt so sacred you were afraid to write about it?
This has happened to me a few times and I know it’s a gift. Sometimes I feel like I don’t want to cheapen these holy encounters with words, I feel protective of them, of myself, really – and I think that’s okay. But something happened in my spirit in Corinth and the only way to share it is through stumbling over my words here. So I’ve sat myself down to write – finally.
It started on the bus.
On the bus ride out to Corinth our guide (a.k.a. historical genius/major/extraordinaire) spoke of the historic town toward which we travelled. He had a way of bringing these ancient places to life and our group was quite fond of him already.
Today, he spoke of Corinth. He did bring it to life – but, honestly, some of his interpretations landed harshly on my heart. The narrative being used was so familiar to me. The subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways that women were shamed (and continue to be) became apparent. The (misuse) of verses to condemn LGBTQ+ people were pulled to the surface and before I knew it my heart was racing as I tried to control my anxiousness, breathing deep, attempting to self-soothe my tired heart.
Because, really, I’m tired of this.*
Then we got off the bus in Corinth. Corinth. And interestingly enough, it was precisely because of the bus-ride-talk that my heart was so tender toward this ancient port-town. Our guide had attempted to highlight the immorality that went on there. I believe a lot of his description, too. In an attempt to modernize it, he likened the town to Vegas or New York. “What happens in Corinth stays in Corinth.” The real problem for me was the way the women were blamed. The “prostitutes” (who were most likely sex slaves) were everywhere. And the men travelling in and out were being beckoned by these women. (Hmmm...) They walked this city with their heads shaved**, messages on the bottom of their sandals, “showing the men the men exactly where to go for. . .” Don’t get me wrong, I believe the description. I just think the deeper truth is that these women were victims of oppression and we need to tell this story differently. I’ll say it again. It. Is. Time. Time’s up.
But as he talked I realized that Corinth wasn’t all that different than me. Such a mess. Seriously, I can be such a mess and it’s hard to trace the path or pinpoint the events that led to the inner struggles I find myself in. The truth is, there’s a whole lot of good in my life, a whole lot of strength and beauty and love – but there’s a whole lot of darkness too. And there I was, in the last module of this Masters of Ministry program reckoning with my own messy heart. My own failed attempts at love. My own pain. My own confusion, shame and struggle. My mess. Right there in Corinth.
And then we walked over to the judgment seat. We joked a bit on this trip about how all we were really doing was going around looking at a bunch of old rocks. (This is kind of true.) The “bema” is just an ancient ruin that has been excavated and preserved. It was a public place of justice/judgement. The court. It’s where you went when you were facing an accusation of wrongdoing. It is a place of shame and punishment.
It is popular to stop at this spot and to read the words of Paul to the Corinthians:
“For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” (2 Cor. 5:10)
I don’t know about you but for me, cherry-picking that verse and presenting it on its own evokes a certain kind of fear and shame. I have too much religious baggage, I guess. I have been trying to rid myself of this and to find a new way. This Master’s degree is a part of that journey and it has been incredibly healing, actually.
So, here is the sacred encounter – the one nearly too precious for words. As I stood there before the bema and looked at it something beautiful happened within me. The sea was behind me and the mountain before me and I was standing somewhere in the middle, right before the judgment seat. And, friends, the air smelled of orange blossoms and poppies were blooming all around us – relentlessly growing through ancient stones. In that moment two thoughts came to me – quick and vivid. I thought, “I think this judgment thing is man’s idea, not God’s,” and also, “What if it’s true? What if, in the end, we stand before Love itself and that is all?” Can you even imagine this? There I stood, holding the mess that I am and understanding that I will stand naked before God – I already do. But, it seems to me that God’s judgement on us is Love. And that, my friends, is something worth falling on your knees over.
When Jesus showed up he didn’t take the place of Judge but of Saviour. He subjected himself to our judgement – dying rather than giving into the way we measure ourselves. “No more scales,” he seems to say to me. When I shared these thoughts with a teacher of mine he responded by asking me, “If the One on the bema seat has said the Divine NO to punishment, would that be okay with you?” (What a question, hey?!) Right now, I’m letting that question do its work on me. . .
If we keep reading in 2 Corinthians, we will find these words soon after the ones I wrote above:
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them, and he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.” (2 Cor. 5:17-19)
It’s good to hold the whole message together, I think. Also, consider this: to the messy Corinthians Paul wrote his epic chapter on Love. To this town, he says, what you lack and what you need is Love. And this is what Love is:
“Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Cor. 13: 4-7)
I don’t know much, but I know I’ll never forget this moment – standing there in Corinth and reaching out to touch this thought – that perhaps my greatest fear (judgement/not being good enough/being cast out of heaven (home) because of some wrongdoing of mine) simply cannot be. The Divine has spoken. The judgement is Love. The bema seat has become the Mercy seat. . . and poppies are blooming there.
*I’m just so weary of the way scripture is used to shame rather than to offer love and welcome to everyone — equally.
**There are varied interpretations/ideas about this but it seems relatively clear that a shaved head in this time was a disgrace. The women with their heads shaved were either slaves or had been publicly marked/shamed for adultery.
@Eric Janzen, thank you so much for sharing this! You gave me the gift of feeling both understood and not-alone today. I loved reading about your moment with Jesus. Yes, to be loved - touching this truth, knowing it somehow, it is no small thing. I hear you. And I love where it brought you: non-judgement and love for all. How beautiful.
Posted by: Jessica Williams | May 23, 2018 at 08:10 PM
What a beautiful and sacred moment. Thank you for sharing it. I was greatly encouraged to read about it. I will share this so that you don't feel at all alone.
A few years ago, I was sitting in a seat in church, feeling weary, but doing my best to worship. I was, at the time, working through some paradigm shifts and, like you, I was tired. During worship I felt my heart drawn into a sacred space with Jesus and I had a visit with him. It was profound for me and changed some things deep within my heart. One of the things he said to me in that encounter was: "What if my judgment is love?" What if his ultimate decision as the only true and trustworthy judge is a response of total Divine Love? I've had peace within my heart ever since for two reasons: One, I am loved. That is such a short, simple sentence that cannot express the depth of joy that knowledge brings me. Two, I don't ever have to focus on judging anyone...I am free to love them as He has commanded me. The Holy Spirit has never asked me to judge anyone. On the contrary, He invites me over and over again, to love as Christ loves. A more challenging invitation I cannot imagine, since the love of Christ is so vastly amazing. I don't engage much with the debate, but your article inspired me to share my own sacred moment.
eric h janzen
Posted by: Eric H Janzen | May 23, 2018 at 10:28 AM
I was looking at a picture of the Bema/Tribunal at Corinth as I was writing the paper due in a couple of day. (Last minute, nothing changes) and your post popped up. It was a very interesting day and I am still processing what it means to me. What hit me as we stood where Paul and Sosthenes stood facing Gallio was the plain courage and faith that Paul had. A different result and he would have been tied to the pillar we were standing next to.
Posted by: Sandy | May 22, 2018 at 10:31 PM