A sermon preached at St John’s, Highbridge (complete with accents!)
by The Rev’d Martin Little, 26.9.21; Mark 9:38-end; Psalm 19:7-end.
Manuscript:
I want to begin my sermon today with a joke. It’s quite a long joke, and the jury’s out on whether it’s particularly funny. But I hope my joke will help us as we think about some of the harshest words and hardest teaching that the New Testament gives us from the lips of Jesus. I hope it will help us to step back a little and gain some perspective on our faith. And as for the punchline… well, I’ll leave you to decide if you think it works. Ok, here goes:
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman go into a pub. ‘A pint, gentlemen?’ says the Irishman. ‘Aye, please’, says the Scotsman, and nips off to the loo. ‘Rather’ says the Englishman. Sitting down at a corner table, he takes out a book and begins to read.
‘Whit’s that ye’re reading there?’ says the Scotsman, returning and taking a seat next to him.
‘It’s the Bible’ says the Englishman, as their friend arrives with the beer.
‘Ah, the Good Book is it?’ says the Irishman, sipping his Guinness. ‘And what part of the Holy Scriptures is it today?’
‘It’s the Gospel of Mark’ the Englishman replies. ‘But it doesn’t sound very good news to me. There’s rather a lot of hellfire, and sin, and chopping off bits of one’s body, what.’
‘Hellfire you say?’ says the Scotsman. ‘We ken all about hellfire where I come fae. I wis brought up Presbyterian. It wisnae a good sermon unless it had a bit o’ hellfire. We take our sin and punishment serious, you know. Nae pussyfooting aboot.’
‘Oh, is that so?’ says the Irishman. ‘Well, I’m a cradle Catholic. Me mother took me to Mass twice a week. Catholics believe in the hellfire too, you know, but we don’t go on about it as much as you Protestants. We know we can just go to confession, and get ourselves square with the Lord that way. What do you say about it?’
The Englishman, clutching his pint of London Pride, shifts uncomfortably in his seat. ‘Well, you know, I’m Church of England, so… yes, well… nice weather for cricket isn’t it?’
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