I’m thinking today about people, people we love that make harmful, self-destructive choices. Choices that aren’t life-giving or flourishing. And I’m thinking today about Jesus. Thinking about how it must have been for Jesus to watch men self-destruct. To watch them choose to berate him, women, those they’ve reduced through hierarchical power structures (after all, caste and class aren’t new).

I’m thinking about what must have been going on in his inner world as he watched Pilate’s wrestle, watched soldiers laugh, prepare to flog him, say dumb ish, cast lot for his clothing. How people spat and scorned, and how he watched.

But mostly I’m thinking about his silence. How he yielded. How even in their acts of hellish torment, he did not overstep his boundaries – no matter how painful it was to watch their actions. He didn’t rush in to fix or… dare I say, save. Nope, he did not attempt to save people from themselves (at least not in the way we do).

Jesus mostly sat with, talked, laughed, drank with, ate with. Something about his presence, I imagine, was an invitation to others. An invitation to life, to love, to freedom. And when people turned toward him in the way of recognition and participation, then Jesus would say: “Go and sin no more.”

Go. Walk the path of Love in such a way that the truth of who you are is in harmony with the way you live and move and have your being.

But for those for whom there was no recognition, no desire to participate with wholeness, for those… Jesus was mostly silent. Not absent, just silent.

Make no mistake about it, to watch someone you love self-destruct is one of the most horrifying experiences of our human existence. And fear of their ultimate demise can send you into control, co-dependency, manipulation, threats, force…whatever it takes to set them on the course we think will save them. And thus, my heart returns to Jesus.

All things considered, what is the most loving thing I can do right now? How do I recognize and participate with the way of Love? How do I order my words, my invitation…yes, even my silence so that I hold sacred another’s freedom and their right to choose?