Self-Effacement – What I am learning from a 6th century monk and a 20th century mystic.

Philemon of Gaza Meditates Mark’s Gospel – edited by Daniel Bourguet
Gravity and Grace – Simone Weil

If you have not come across this contemplative treasure of the 6th century monk Philemon of Gaza yet, it is worth searching it out! Bob Ekblad with Tierra Nueva and The People’s Seminary Press has introduced me to this treasure.

Philemon of Gaza meditating Mark 1:21-28 where Jesus heals a man with an unclean spirit. Philemon recognizes Jesus seeing this man in deep pain unable to pray.

Philemon says this about the man: “A man who has prayer taken from him while in a place of prayer has lost his humanity.” (Bourguet, 15) This halted me. Jesus sees differently than I do. I seem to be locked into the problem/solution mode of evaluation. Jesus sees someone who has lost their being. Jesus also sees what it takes to have that humanity restored. The following is what Philemon of Gaza contemplates most as he meditates the Gospels: humility or effacement. This is the word Daniel Bourguet chose to use found in the following quote:

“Jesus said nothing. He had set a man free in order to restore him to prayer, and now was silent to make room for the man’s prayer. He stepped back so as not to disturb the man’s dialogue with God, effacing himself before both the man and his Father … the humble Jesus!” (Bourguet, 16, emphasis added)

I read this and can almost picture the face of Jesus as he removes Himself from this restoration of this man’s humanity – “so as not to disturb” – so tender a moment Philemon is describing in his meditation. Effacing is an erasing or to become inconspicuous – Jesus didn’t disappear but He refused to disturb what was happening. Nothing in Him needed to be seen or heard at this moment.

A few days before I read this meditation, I read Simone Weil’s ‘essay’ on Self-Effacement and was shocked by something so similar I even wonder if this 20th French Mystic had access to the French manuscripts of Philemon of Gaza as there is such close connection – at least in my mind – of the following Weil quote to Philemon:

“… I act as a screen. I must withdraw so that he may see it. I must withdraw so that God may make contact with the beings whom chance places in my path and whom he loves. It is tactless for me to be there. It is as though I were placed between two lovers or two friends.” (Weil, 88, emphasis added)

Earlier in the essay she says it in a less imagined way when realizing how much deprivation her presence has between God and His creatures: “I can do something for all that and for God, namely to know how to retire and to respect the tete-a-tete.” As I connect her unsettling words, that seem to be leaning toward unhealthy self-deprecation, to Philemon of Gaza’ meditation, I hear something different in her words and a few questions come to mind: Is she emptying (kenosis) herself in this effacing like Jesus did and does? Is she seeing the beauty of what God longs to see but, because of consent, cannot see until she removes herself?

In my mind, those questions lead away from self-deprecation (and any sense of will-less-ness) to an extraordinarily subtle humility, a humility that I can only sense as I read.

Weil’s subtle humility seems to be tied to a yearning to be present in the world without being present, or maybe without being the cause of distance between God and someone God loves. I am not quite sure if that is what she is saying but I am simply choosing to settle into these humble words of humility and yearning:

“I do not in the least wish that this created world should fade from my view, but I do wish that it should no longer be shown to me in person. To me it cannot tell its secret which is too high. If I go, then the creator and the creature will exchange their secrets. To see a landscape as it is when I am not there … When I am in any place, I disturb the silence of heaven and earth by my breathing and the beating of my heart.” (Weil, 89 emphasis added)

Self-Effacement is not simply an action I control such as removal or withdrawal or destruction/eraser of self, it is recognizing what our presence does and how our removal also does something essential. It cannot do (be a “screen” or “stop[ping] the light of God,” p 87) what it does without being in the way, the screen, or realization of the tactless nature of my presence. Getting out of the way is then intrinsically linked to first being in the way … is it not? Jesus was in the way of the pain of man with the evil spirit and once this man’s humanity was restored to prayer, Jesus stepped out of the way.

I want to be one who gets in the way of God so I can then know what it looks like to get out of the way and see in the posture of Christ-like humility the beauty of God’s love, the ‘secrets’ between the Creator and creature!

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Weil, S. (1997). Gravity and Grace. University of Nebraska Press.

Bourguet, D. (ed) (2023). Philemon of Gaza Meditates Mark's Gospel. The People's Seminary Press.