There was another one of those predictable dustups this week, I heard, where someone from a particular tribe of Christianity was grumpy that women had become too empowered and that Christianity had become too empathic. You know, the kind of piece that only further entrenches one group and alienates another. Someone wrote to me and said “this is the kind of essay you should respond to.” I replied “I’ve gone down that road before and I don’t like what it does to me, so not this time.”

While I am quite comfortable saying “don’t waste your time with that nonsense,” I’m not going to argue. You can’t try to reason with someone whose nervous system is stuck in a sympathetically activated fight mode. It’s impossible to connect or even to be curious in that mode. This kind of entrenched tribalism is, at its core, a traumatized state. And sadly, unhealed wounds only serve to wound others.

With compassion, the extraordinary 16th century reformer St. Teresa of Avila diagnosed this state way back then. And, goodness, do we need her wisdom today. She said that when we grow in knowledge, we ought to grow in awe, wonder, and humility. But her lament was that the more knowledgeable we become, the more entrenched we become, which can lead to a kind of hypervigilance, where we “fear everything and everything offends us.” Where, as she says, we are like soldiers always preparing for a fight. Yes, she was diagnosing fight mode. And absent a calmed and grounded nervous system, and absent humility and curiosity, there’s no reason to think engagement will lead to anything but more traumatizing battle in these circumstances.

Now, the convicting part is that her words are for any of us, no matter our theology, who get stuck in the certainty and self righteousness of fight mode. And while I can’t control what others say and do, I can come back around to the one who I am responsible for – me. And do whatever work I need to do to remain “rooted and grounded in love” – St. Paul’s prayer for each and every one of us.

From here, we can name what needs to be named as harmful (see Geoff Holsclaw’s responses), but we can seek to live in truth, goodness, and beauty. Remember: rooted and grounded people foster rooted and grounded communities. And, I believe, this is where you will find the Life-Giving Spirit.

PS: As I’ve said before, from a nervous system perspective, engaging some *fight* within isn’t bad at all. It can be the necessary pathway out of a chronic state of powerlessness and toward freedom and justice. St. Teresa herself had some beautiful and well marshalled fight energy! I am talking about an entrenched and chronic fight mode here.