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This
is part of a letter I wrote to a younger friend who asked me for a
Biblical definition of lust. I thought it was suitable for publication
here because, while there is no end to books written by and for
Christian men about lust, very few approach the topic from the
perspective of social justice for women. Be aware that it is written by
a man for a man, though I am sure women could benefit from reading it
and contextualizing it for themselves too.
—
In the first chapter of Genesis, we read that God created man, who was
surrounded by material things. God had taken time – more time than he
needed, five whole days! – to create a world in which Adam could live.
And God wanted Adam to “subdue,” or care-for-for-his-own-benefit, these
things. (Genesis 1:28) God gives Adam all the vegetation, and tells him
to harvest and eat it. (Genesis 1:29-30) God wanted Adam to relate to
the material world, to work with it, and to benefit from it. For our
purposes, it is important to note that when the story is fleshed out in
the second chapter of Genesis, there is a point when God had given Adam
the Garden of Eden to tend (2:15), but had not yet created Eve (which
happens in 2:21-22). Let’s call this phase in Adam’s life “pre-Eve
Adam.”
At
this point, Adam would have rightly thought that every existing thing
existed for himself and for God. As long as he gave glory and time to
God, Adam could be essentially selfish. With the exception of the Tree
of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, which God had forbidden him to use,
he could make use of all of the natural resources of the world. If he
wanted to cut down some trees to make a house, he could. If he wanted
to milk a cow for milk, he could. He did not have to ask the trees or
the cows what they thought: he did not have to relate to them as
persons. The only being he had to relate to as a person was God.
Now, given the environmental quagmire we humans have put ourselves in,
it is important to realize that he was suppose to be a gardener and not
an exploiter. He was not given a mandate to destroy the earth, but to
develop it for his own benefit and God’s glory. I like how Eugene
Peterson paraphrases Genesis 1:28: “God blessed them: ‘Prosper!
Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge! Be responsible for fish in the sea
and birds in the air, for every living thing that moves on the face of
Earth.’” We are to be responsible for the earth. I think God will hold
us responsible if we choose to destroy it.
But that is an aside. Let’s continue with the story. God sees that Adam
is alone, and decides that this is not good. (2:18) The Biblical writer
goes out of his way to mention in the next couple of verses that the
animals were not suitable helpers: Adam needed more. You had asked me
to write some thoughts on lust, so here is where these thoughts begin
to take flesh. Lust is essentially the denial of God’s first pondered
thoughts in this narrative. Lust says, “It is good for man to be
alone.” Lust is, at bottom, a choice to be alone, even when in the
company of another. Lust is the denial of relationship. But I am
getting ahead of myself.
God creates woman out of the rib of man. He does not create her out of
the ground, as he has created the animals (2:19), but out of Adam
himself. Adam realizes this: He exclaims, “Flesh of my flesh!” We can
relate to woman differently than we relate to plants and animals
because she is a part of us. She is essentially connected to us. She is
not an “it” or a “thing.” She is not a plant or animal for us to use.
Lust is a denial of God’s gift of woman as companion. Lust treats woman
as if she is another plant or animal created for us to subdue. When we
lust, we retreat to Adam’s pre-Eve state. We may think when we are
looking at or touching a woman lustfully that we are appreciating her.
But lust is not a matter of appreciation, but of confusion. We are
confusing “woman” (literally “From-Man,” and thus “From-Us”) with
“plant and animal.” We are denying the goodness – and fleeing from the
risk and hard work – of genuine community.
Much has been written on the evils of “consumer culture,” but I think
one of its worst manifestations is in how selfish and inward-looking it
can make us. Consumer culture would have the consumer, as an
individual, serve only him or herself. In so doing, it purveys the lie
that I can live as pre-Eve Adam, forgetting the existence of other
people except in how they can serve me. But when Eve is created – and
she is created in the hearts and minds of young men in playgrounds and
classrooms and school dances daily – Adam is drawn outside of himself
into community and relationship. Lust is the denial of true
relationship and the affirmation of complete solitude.
A tragically common example of this denial is the person who fantasizes
excessively about sexual partners who live to please and worship the
fantasizer alone, while never actually going out and having real
relationships. This person needs others, but chooses to cut themselves
off from real relationship. This person needs God and others to help
them out of their terrible solitude.
God was not content to leave Adam alone. He lovingly seeks to provide
Adam a “helper.” (2:18,20) The word “helper” there is intriguing. It
has been used in the past to justify exploitation of women. But the
word is also used in Hebrew Scripture to refer to the way that God
“helps” Israel: God is Israel’s “helper.” Implicit in the English word
“helper” is a sense of lowliness and servitude, but this is not the
case in the Hebrew. Eve was Adam’s helper, and, in many ways, his
savior. Adam alone is not good. When Eve was created, Adam was drawn
outside of himself, into relationship.
When you lust, you choose to treat someone like an object to be used,
instead of a person to interact with. An extreme example of this is
pornography: you will probably never meet the woman on the page or
screen splayed out before you. She is simply an object to you. If you
actually knew her as a person – her friendship, warm love, her story
and life – or if she were your kin – perhaps your sister, daughter, or
wife – you would think very differently about her image. In fact, you
probably couldn’t think about it lustfully, because relationship – that
great destroyer of lust – would prevent it. But as things are, she is
merely an object for you to subdue to your own desires. Martin Buber
called this the “I/It” relationship, contrasted with the “I/Thou”
relationship of two people who relate to one another well, as Adam and
Eve were intended to.
A similar thing can happen when you are touching a woman. You forget
the relationship – you may forget the person altogether – and desire
only to get what you want.
Or, you remember the relationship: you touch HER, the one who is a part
of you, drawn from you, the one God has given you, made in His own
image, who re-minds you of Him – the one you know. You connect with
your mouths, and exchange the breath of life that God gave each of you.
You share intimately because you know intimately – and are known.
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