The disciples got caught up in this too. They were constantly misreading Jesus and even resisting him at points. But their encounter with him on that first Easter day altered perceptions completely—not that they now had all the answers, but they began to revise their understanding based on what happened, and Jesus’ life, ministry, teaching, and death took on a whole new meaning.

 

Coming away from that experience, the disciples had reason to be disillusioned with Israel’s leaders and the political and religious system that had shaped their misguided assumptions. But the answer to the disillusionment and feelings of betrayal wasn’t skeptical retreat or zealous activism. This is because they knew quite well that they had colluded in the system even as they were afflicted by it. And they learned that Jesus had defeated those powers at the cross. So they took up their crosses to follow Jesus—right where they were. This became the path to new life. Not a revolutionary movement, but a communal participation in Jesus’ death and resurrection.

 

Nowhere is this more powerfully exemplified than in the life of St. Paul, the one who thought that he had the answers only to realize that he had been working against God’s purposes all along. After his conversion, Paul gave strong pushback to strident guardians of the status quo, but he continued to express deep love for his people and held out hope for their salvation despite their idolatrous ways. Further, he cast himself as the “least of the apostles” and “worst of sinners” because of how he had actively colluded in the system that brought Jesus and followers like Stephen to death.

 

Paul had lived out the lies he was fed, and had reason for deep resentment, but he accepted his part in it and grieved and repented his way into new life with Jesus. So much so that he became free to think of himself as a slave/servant of Christ, rendering himself vulnerable to persecution at the hands of those who had been like him prior to his conversion.

 

He didn’t do this in a spirit of compromise, bowing to the system in shame. Rather it was an implication of carrying his cross unto new life and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom. Again, he pushed against the party hardliners at times—people behaving like he once had—but this wasn’t a revolutionary power move. This too was an implication of servant-like gospel ministry, and in the midst of all, Paul continued to recognize that he barely had a right to Christian identity at all.

 

I’d suggest that we are in an analogous spot in relation to abusive powers in the church and secular state. These are the same sort of powers that the disciples confronted in their own day. What’s needed is not skeptical retreat or militant revolutionary action. We need to take up our crosses and follow Jesus into new life—right where we are …